Whirlwind

Disclaimer: Due to HIPAA laws, all blog posts related to our Foster Care experiences will have limited information when referring to the children and their cases. Their names will remain private and I will use generalizations when writing. I will not be posting any photos of the children that are in our care. My blog will remain public so people can stumble-upon it and so you can share with your family and friends. My FB page (close friends & family only) has the proper privacy settings in place per our licensing coordinator and I will be posting photos on there. It's basically Fort Knox! :)


I'm convinced, that not even 9 months can prepare you for your first child, let alone less than 24 hours! In fact, I welcome the challenge for someone to prove me wrong! Despite the many years of babysitting, having younger siblings and cousins, nieces and nephews and 30+ hours of training, there is still that O.M.G. moment. Lets rewind 9 weeks...


Since early December, we had been anticipating the email from Eckerd that would say we've finally been approved to be foster parents. But as we all know, when we hear the words easy or fast-moving, we certainly don't associate them with anything involving a government agency. Friday, January 27th at 9:54am, would finally mark the end in this CRAZY process - only, it was just the beginning of a whole new experience. An experience, that I was beginning to have second thoughts about.


Early that week, we were informed that they had a few options for us after we were approved, all were boys and ranged from 1-2 yrs old. We were so nervous, but the excited kind. We began mentally preparing ourselves for an instant life change - lack of sleep, teaching shapes and colors, potty training, terrible two's and everything in between! So imagine our surprise when we got a call just hours after being licensed about a 2 month old! After hearing the specifics about the child we agreed to accept him as our first foster child. I hung up the phone and was frozen for a solid 3 minutes. Despite our house being 100% baby proof, having an approved home health inspection and being completely vetted as if we were joining the CIA, I felt completely unprepared. I began to do the only thing I knew to be soothing for me in times of anxiety...clean! Ben was stuck in St. Pete and was trying his hardest to make it home before the baby was dropped off. My heart was racing so fast I kept stopping to time my pulse. The car pulled up around 10:00pm (longest 2 hours of my life) and the most peaceful and sweetest little boy joined our lives.


The first few hours were a bit fuzzy considering the series of events that unfolded in a few short hours. I mostly remember my amazing family coming by to help us ease into our first night. I'm so thankful that Shannon came over and made a late night trip with me to Walmart helped me pick out the essentials.


The baby slept like you would expect any 2 month old to sleep...not enough! I woke up Saturday morning in a complete daze, my emotions were on high alert. We had a prior work event that caused Ben to be away all day and I was left to be a first time mom all by myself. We hadn't even had the baby for 12 hours and I already wanted to throw in the towel; I felt like I was being fed to the wolves. I've never experienced depression, (although on my worst PMS day I could probably do some damage to someone) but it was the only word I could use to describe what I was feeling. My body was experiencing emotions I never encountered before. I spent the day with my mom and sister and I was in such a funk, I had a really hard time bonding with the baby. I spent the next few days crying a lot and barely eating. I didn't like this new version of me. Wasn't this supposed to be the most rewarding experience?


It took a few days, but my emotions finally gave my brain a second to really "soul search", for lack of a better term. The light bulb turned on and after a good long cry on my husbands shoulder, I finally got it. I realized the reason I was a ticking time bomb of emotions wasn't because I was having some sort of postpartum depression, but that this precious new addition wasn't "my" child. I was afraid I wouldn't know how to love a child that wasn't my own. I didn't spend 9 months eating saltines and drinking Ginger Ale, because I was hit with a major case of morning sickness. I didn't spend hours at Target with a scan gun carefully selecting the items I couldn't wait to open at a baby shower. And I certainly didn't go to Babies"R"Us and pick out the matching furniture set that I had my eyes on for years for the nursery. Nine months of planning didn't go into all of this, in fact it was barely 3 months. My mind had finally be focused on getting approved to be foster parents, that I had forgotten how we were led to choosing this route.


There are so many women that complain over the slightest change in their body, constant illness or just being plain uncomfortable during pregnancy. What they don't realize, is that women like me would give anything to feel a baby growing inside them and knowing that it carries their DNA, no mater what the circumstances or "burdens" that come with it. It's an experience that should not be taken for granted. 


It's been a little over two months since we received this precious baby boy and I am proud to say, it is certainly possible to love a child that isn't your own. He has brought so much joy to Ben and I in such a short time. We are honored to be the ones that the Lord has chosen to care for him during this time. I am in shock at how fast he is growing and all the milestones he is checking off his list. 


Stats:
February 1st - 9lbs / 21.5in
March 21st - 12lbs / 24in


The craziest and most unexpected thing about this whole experience, is that the Lord has begun revealing a new passion in our lives regarding mentorship for the biological parents. We are excited to see whats to come. 

Daycare Investigation....(tonight at 11:00)

Early this week, our licensing coordinator instructed me to contact The Early Learning Coalition. It's a local organization that provides the funding for foster children to attend daycare as well as providing many other services and resources for families in Pasco and Hernando County. Seeing as we should be licensed any day now, she wanted us to get the ball rolling on finding a daycare. I was beginning to lose my patience after calling for the last 3 days, leaving countless messages (one with a particularly snooty receptionist) and sent one slightly rude email expressing my frustrations on not getting a returned call. Well, my persistence did not go unnoticed, because she finally called me back yesterday afternoon. In the end I felt kind of sorry for sending a nasty gram to an actually very sweet lady. I should have given her the benefit of the doubt, because she was probably having the kind of busy week I was having. After a very  informative conversation, she sent me 68 pages of daycare facilities in my area, which came to about 31 locations. She encouraged me to do my research on each one rather than just picking the one closest and most convenient to me. Being the crazy OCD individual that I am, I spent 3 hours narrowing my results down to 8 potential daycare facilities! My game plan consisted of the following....

1. Google each facility.
2. Read reviews from at least 3 different sites. (if no reviews found...pitch pile)
3. Google Map facility. (Yes, I am that person who cares about what the appearance of the building looks like...judge away) You're not alone, my husband thinks I'm crazy too!
4. Pitch the ones with tacky names...I'm only kidding, I'm not that shallow. I Just wanted to make sure I still had a captivated audience! :-) 
5. Lastly and MOST IMPORTANT...CHECK THEIR LICENSE!!! 

I know it can be time consuming, but you will seriously not regret #5! The Department of Children and Families allows you to not only make sure the facilities are licensed, but you can read the public records of every routine and yearly renewal visits. It's important to be informed; especially when its involving your child's safety. I'm not a parent yet myself, but when I am one, I know I would want to know whether the daycare that I am entrusting with my child is background screening their employees every 5 years or using and properly storing cleaning products. Those are just a few violations I came across during my search.

Well that about does it. Enjoy your weekend! :-)

Goal (noun): the end toward which effort is directed

My Facebook news feed has been overflowing with posts about New Years resolutions and all the joyous events that 2011 brought. Being the the 6th day into the year, I would think all the excitement should have worn off by now - but, to each his own. So while reading these updates of what felt more like a "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul" book, I began analyzing and racking my brain trying to come up with a clever post that summed up my year. I guess that's what I get for being part "Beaver" personality. I eventually gave up and decided to spare everyone from what would have been a very depressing status update. Lets face it, this year wasn't exactly one for the books. Because for me, 2011 wasn't filled with joyful memories, but rather memories I would prefer never to remember. That all changed after my pastor said something during Sunday's service that I will never forget...


"Rather than forgetting the past and moving on, remember all the good things God has done in your life and be reminded that If he did it once, he will do it again."


I may not have all I want, but I'm still a recipient of God's mercy! That statement holds so much weight, yet it can be easily forgotten. Did I forget the AMAZING husband that the Lord blessed me with? Or the income that allows Ben and I to enjoy that spontaneous weekend getaway? And what about the family and friends that I couldn't imagine my life without? Because the truth is, We may be infertile and not able to have children the way most couples dream of, but I could be much worse off.


I typically don't make New Years resolutions, never really have. Not because I think its lame, (although, it kind of is) but because I know deep down I would never really follow through with it. A good friend of mine, and fellow blogger said it best,"While I don’t think we should set ourselves up for failure with resolutions we aren’t motivated to accomplish, I do think there is empowerment in setting goals and defining HOW to accomplish them". This year I am not going to take things for granted. I am going to thankful for all the things that the Lord gives me; the good, the bad and the ugly! I plan on volunteering my time for an organization that I believe in,"The West Pasco Pregnancy Center". This year, I also plan on becoming a mother!


OK, now for a Foster Care update....
We had our final home visit 2 weeks ago and now we are just waiting for our Licensing Coordinator to complete her home study and send it off to licensing. Which means we should be licensed very soon! As my little sister says "We shall have a little cherub soon!"


For those of you that are interested in Foster Care or Adoption, visit "Eckerd Community Alternatives" for more information!!

Plans?...What are those?

When it comes to blogging, I know I haven't been the most punctual the past couple of months. There are so many new developments; but one in particular I'd like to write about...


After much prayer and careful consideration, Ben and I are so excited to share with you about the next step in our journey. For those of you who didn't know, last year we became certified to adopt through the state. And we are now in the final stages of the licensing process to become foster parents as well!! The past few months has been filled with 5 inches of paperwork, fingerprinting, background checks, home visits, endless references, inspections...the list is endless. With just a few things left to do and a bedroom to get ready, we are just weeks away from the potential arrival of our first child. 


If I had to guess, I'm pretty confident I know what a lot of you are thinking right now, because its probably the same thought that I've played over and over in my mind..."Who can care and bond with a child for such a short time and potentially give the child back?" Believe me, I know it will not be easy. But what if we for just a second, decided not to be completely selfish and only think of ourselves and thought about the approximately 10,000 children a year that are removed from their homes because they experienced neglect or abuse at the hands of a family member? Now if that statistic doesn't make you say "wow", then you must have a heart of stone. Personally, I stopped thinking about what I had planned and wanted the day I sat in a cold and sterile doctors office listening to someone I only met twice, say we couldn't have children the way we had always planned on. 


Our primary goal is to love and care for every child that comes through our home. If the Lord decides to bless us with a child to adopt along the way, then that would be the greatest gift we could ever ask for. 


There is plenty more to come, as our life is about to get real interesting.

The Special Seven

As a female, when you hear the words 'Baby Shower', your initial reaction is "Awww", right?.............Wrong! In my case, I hear the words 'Baby Shower' and I am instantly thinking of about 999 excuses on how to get out of it. 

My beautiful best friend, is going to be welcoming her first child into this world in less than 6 weeks! And like any new mom, the excitement of a baby shower is something that is anticipated for months. Being nearly inseparable, her excitement of the planning had become mine and I was beginning to look forward to the shower almost as much as her. Looking back I have one regret, I wish I would have opened up and talked to someone about how I was really feeling. Instead, I had to act like superwoman and pretend like it wasn't a big deal at all. 

I quickly realized that I am no superwoman - not even close! Of course the stress of the shower didn't actually hit me until less than 24 hours before the baby shower. I didn't sleep the night before and woke up with major anxiety, upset stomach and swollen eyes. My emotional pain wasn't just about my unfortunate situation, I was aching for my friend who I know wanted me to be there for her. I was afraid I was being selfish for the way I was feeling. But her instant love and support, immediately discounted any of my worries.

I am again reminded of just how lucky to have such an amazing group of girlfriends in my life. They may be few, but their love and support outweighs that in numbers. I want all of you to know, just how special you are. Your encouragement, sweet spirit and friendship means so much to me. You may or may not know who you are, but you deserve to be acknowledged.... 

Alisha, Andrea, Christi, Jenn, Julie, Kayti & Shannon - You all have a very dear spot in my heart and I love you so much! 

Pressure Test

A few weeks ago I found myself in a situation that caused my emotions to work harder than they ever have. It felt as if I had officially lost all control of anything I had in my grasp; The inevitable moment that I knew would come, but was dreading so terribly. I began to question any faith that I had in God, and it completely terrified me.

It's the time in a couples marriage that is typically an exciting moment, yet the unfortunate reminder of being human, your nerves can't help but get the best of you. The specific situation I am referring to, is the "I'm-12-days-late-should-I-take-a-test" moment! The days leading up, I had to audibly tell myself "Naomi, please do not get your hopes up." The truth is, no matter how many times I said it, read it, or prayed it, (deep down) I was trying to be the optimist that I wasn't. The time came and with the result, reality hit me hard. 

Was I crazy to have just the slightest bit of hope? Was I crazy to think that we could have finally beat the odds? Here I thought I was doing the "christian thing" by having faith that this could be the outcome we have been praying for. Only I felt like that kid who is waiting for that promised day of fun, only to be let down by someone that you hold up so high. If I had to give my interpretation of what a heart attack would feel like, it was that moment; Complete with hyperventilating sobs, trying to focus on breathing and an aching heart. I'm so thankful for having an amazingly patient husband who can comfort me and be the voice of reason in times of despair. In the midst of the hurt and disappointment, this pressure test caused me to look even deeper into the plan that God has for me and Ben. In the end, I came out of this one a bit more stretched in my faith.


I am quickly learning that infertility isn't just a one time diagnosis, it is a daily struggle. I hope this experience will make all of the future ones a little bit easier to deal with. I don't ever want to get to a place where I question Gods plan, not even just a little bit - It's the scariest place to be. I am so blessed to be just a small part of the big picture.


Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"

To speak, or not to speak...?

I have heard just about every piece of "advice" out there on how to get pregnant. I could right a book on what not to say when someone’s trying to conceive. In fact, here are just a few of my favorites:

 - Just relax and it will happen

 - Take a multivitamin and change your diet

 - Use an ovulation chart and take your temperature daily

 - Try this position - you'll for sure get pregnant

 - Are you sure you're doing it right?

And that’s not even the half of it. The list goes on.

As those of you who know me best, I'm not the most patient person and sometimes not the most cordial either. So imagine the shock I gave myself when I would just smile and throw in the occasional, "Oh thank you" during those moments of such essential advice given freely to me from friends & family, doctors and sometimes people I didn't even know! All the while inside I'm saying, "Are you freaking kidding me?!" 

What most people don't know is that during many fertility treatments you are given so many hormones that could not only kill a horse, but it triggers mood swings, hot flashes, stomach pain, nausea, vomiting, bloating - basically it’s enough to bring out the best (worst) in you. So, Lord only knows how I kept my cool, because I felt like a 24 year old going through menopause.

All of this to say I never really understood the significant difference between sympathy and empathy until recently. I think it's very difficult to understand the pain someone is going through without truly having been there yourself. It's one thing that I've learned going through all of this and it's relevant to every situation, not just infertility. If we can try and put ourselves in the shoes of someone else that is dealing with a crisis of there own, we would know how to react, or not react, to that situation. 

The saying that I've become fond of, but never really liked hearing when I was growing up, is Think Before You Speak.  You never know how something that you say is going to effect someone else, even if its meant in jest. Someone can look strong on the outside, but could be completely falling apart on the inside. So tread lightly all you Well Wishers.