Monday, May 30, 2011

To speak, or not to speak...?

I have heard just about every piece of "advice" out there on how to get pregnant. I could right a book on what not to say when someone’s trying to conceive. In fact, here are just a few of my favorites:
 - Just relax and it will happen
 - Take a multivitamin and change your diet
 - Use an ovulation chart and take your temperature daily
 - Try this position - you'll for sure get pregnant
 - Are you sure you're doing it right?
And that’s not even the half of it. The list goes on.

As those of you who know me best, I'm not the most patient person and sometimes not the most cordial either. So imagine the shock I gave myself when I would just smile and throw in the occasional, "Oh thank you" during those moments of such essential advice given freely to me from friends & family, doctors and sometimes people I didn't even know! All the while inside I'm saying, "Are you freaking kidding me?!" 

What most people don't know is that during many fertility treatments you are given so many hormones that could not only kill a horse, but it triggers mood swings, hot flashes, stomach pain, nausea, vomiting, bloating - basically it’s enough to bring out the best (worst) in you. So, Lord only knows how I kept my cool, because I felt like a 24 year old going through menopause.

All of this to say I never really understood the significant difference between sympathy and empathy until recently. I think it's very difficult to understand the pain someone is going through without truly having been there yourself. It's one thing that I've learned going through all of this and it's relevant to every situation, not just infertility. If we can try and put ourselves in the shoes of someone else that is dealing with a crisis of there own, we would know how to react, or not react, to that situation. 

The saying that I've become fond of, but never really liked hearing when I was growing up, is Think Before You Speak.  You never know how something that you say is going to effect someone else, even if its meant in jest. Someone can look strong on the outside, but could be completely falling apart on the inside. So tread lightly all you Well Wishers.


  1. So, I had no idea that you had a blog - or that you were hoping to get pregnant! You go girlfriend, it must take courage to put this stuff online. The whole thing sounds so frustrating! I've been thanking god everyday that we don't have kids - but after reading this, I'll know to feel grateful when it happens.
    I am also neither patient nor cordial... but GO us for trying!! lol

  2. Hi Naomi. Selina and I are still praying! We fully expect results. Be blessed.

    Chris Bernardo