Disclaimer: Due to HIPAA laws, all blog posts related to our Foster Care experiences will have limited information when referring to the children and their cases. Their names will remain private and I will use generalizations when writing. I will not be posting any photos of the children that are in our care. My blog will remain public so people can stumble-upon it and so you can share with your family and friends. My FB page (close friends & family only) has the proper privacy settings in place per our licensing coordinator and I will be posting photos on there. It's basically Fort Knox! :)
It's finally happened, the unavoidable, inescapable, preordained, inevitable reality of what it means to be a foster parent. I can't help but wonder if what I'm feeling and experiencing is what a parent who has lost a child feels. Granted, I didn't birth this child, so I never had that initial bond that a mother has when meeting their child for the first time. But I think it's safe to say there was certainly a bond.
I am writing this as I choke back tears, because in some strange and twisted way, writing about it helps. I'd like to think that I've prepared myself mentally for this moment from the very beginning; and maybe in a way I have. However, what I'm feeling doesn't feel like any preparation has taken place. No matter how many times you're reminded of this possibility, it doesn't in any way cushion the blow.
I tend to be the person who packs away emotions, until I eventually bust at the seams. It's not my most endearing quality. I was doing really well being in denial of saying goodbye tomorrow, that is until tonight...in the middle of Publix. That's right, it was a "Murphy's Law" kind of evening and it all came tumbling down on our poor cashier. She was incredibly sweet and patiently listened while I unloaded on her. I'd like to think there's a special place in heaven for people like Manuela!
The possibility of him leaving was discussed a week ago but it only became official on Tuesday. It's crazy to think that the past five months is currently sitting in my living room jammed in a duffel bag. The one thing that is keeping us going is the memories we've shared with him and how much he has grown these past months. I know that it will get easier with time, and I also know that despite how difficult this is, it's what we are called to do.